A Breakup Doesn't Equal Failure

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Growing up, when I saw relationships around me end, I instantly thought the whole relationship was a failure. I would think “you couldn’t make it work, so it a failure.” Part of this is due to my perfectionist nature- my belief that if something, anything does not work out, I would instantly think of it as a failure. As I’ve grown older and hopefully a bit wiser, I’ve learned the end of a relationship does not mean it is a failure- in fact, I now believe the opposite.

We need to remember breakups happen for different reasons:

People fall out of love

People change

People leave due to abuse

People want to explore, and the relationship doesn’t allow that

People realize the relationship they build with their partner isn’t for them

Having recently ended a two and a half year relationship, I’ve learned to accept the relationship for what it was and what it taught me. I learned what I need in a relationship. I learned what I don’t want in a relationship, and I’ve ultimately learned that when a relationship ends, it is not a failure on you, your partner or the couple.

I don’t think of breakups as failures anymore; I believe the opposite. I believe breakups happen for a multitude of reasons, and one of the biggest is the relationship is no longer working, and it is not meant to be. Breakups SHOULD shake us; breakups should wake us up to learning more about who we are and what we need in life. I’d have to say; my breakup was one of the best things that happened to me in the past year; it woke me up and forced me to look at my life critically, and ultimately make positive, long-lasting change (more on this in a later blog).

If you are struggling through a breakup or thinking about breaking up, trust your gut and go through with it. I spent months googling “how to break up” or “signs you should break up” and it caused me more distress than the actual break up. I was so afraid for so long of hurting the person I was in a relationship with, I didn't want to disappoint those around me, and I didn't want the relationship to end in failure. In the end, it was a mutual breakup, and I've learned it was not the relationship I was supposed to be in forever, and it was far from a failure.