How To Cope With A Break-Up During The Holiday Season
Christmas is romantic. Many of us dream of spending the holiday season with our significant other- kisses under the mistletoe, decorating the tree and acting like grown-up kids. We want that perfect Christmas, sometimes, so much so that we put pressure on ourselves.
Sometimes, life doesn't go according to plan. You can be searching for your beau’s gifts one day and find yourself single the next. Whatever the reason for the breakup, it can be hard to end a relationship when the world is throwing family, love, and romance in your face every second it gets. It’s almost like there is a stigma for being single at Christmas.
People tend to have empathy for anyone who finds themselves without a significant other to spend the holidays with. It doesn't help when you can’t leave the house without seeing a couple nuzzling each other under the fairy lights.
It can leave you feeling so alone. You start to question why you can’t find your person, or why you can’t just have one picture-perfect holiday with someone to spend it with. In ways, it can be the trigger on a lot of stress you already had, making you feel like you can’t get anything right. Please remember that you are not a failure, there is nothing wrong with you.
The truth is, we are not alone. Single or not. There is a 99.9% chance someone cares about you, be it your pet, neighbor or mum. Though it can be very hard to feel like the love of family and friends has any comparison to the romantic kind of love you desire.
So, what can you do to cope with a break-up around the holiday season?
Try To Get Answers To Those Questions
One thing I have learned in my life, is that every relationship that ends, it happens for a reason. Having one last conversation with your ex, preferably after the stage of anger, can leave you feeling 100 pounds lighter. It’s unhealthy to keep in toxic feelings and the only way you can find those answers, is if you ask for them. Don’t leave it years, don’t chase the what if’s, as soon as you feel strong enough, talk it through and try to understand both of your point of views. Remember in any fight, there is your truth, their truth, and the real truth.
Embrace Love From Your Family
‘Family’ is a subjective word. Your family is the collection of people who make you feel at home, no matter where you are. It can sometimes feel uncomfortable to have people try to help you when you just want to be left alone. Sometimes all we need is a hug from our mum or dad. Sometimes though, we’ll shut the door and hide, but don’t push people away- enjoy the hugs, nights out, and the tubs of ice-cream. Communication will help you through this tough time, but real love and support is what will help you to heal.
Re-discover Who You Are
When we are in a relationship for a while, we can find ourselves becoming a new person, sometimes molding our identity to our significant others likes and interests, and sometimes loosing ourselves in the process. It’s easy to lose track of the past when we only have the future in our sights. Adjusting to your new life can be hard, but it may help you to find your way back to the person you were before. Pick up old hobbies or follow the dreams you once had. Take back your independence and be true to yourself!
Do It Anyway
Did you have plans to go ice skating? Or to pick a tree? Maybe you had a whole list of Christmas wishes. You may feel that now you are alone, your only option is to spend the holidays under a blanket and knee deep in cookies. Being single does not mean you can’t still do those things, you can live and experience the joy of the season. You can go on your own and have the time of your life, or take someone you love just as much (in a platonic way). Make memories that will last you a lifetime.
When we end a relationship, we begin to grieve. It is important you heal in your own time and in your way.
The most important thing of all is to make sure you remember your worth. You are valuable, and just because one person does not see it, it does not mean that you should believe you are worthless. What I tell myself is the end of a relationship only means I can spend less time with the wrong person and have more time to find the right person.
Written by: Charlotte Underwood